THE HABIT - Loving Yourself on Valentine's Day


Love yo self.


Coming up to Valentine’s day, along with all the other holidays, I find myself reflecting on my understanding, beliefs, and traditions surrounding it.
Likely the most successful of the holidays created by greeting card companies, Valentine’s day for most is all about the treats. We get a boyfriend, and that boyfriend’s role is to shower us with chocolate, flowers, wine, and dinner. We grow and have children, and our role becomes the provider of the chocolate and random red and pink trinkets to our kids. And the kids are assigned the duty of filling out cards for everyone in their class, regardless of their level of affection for the person. Everyone must be made to feel special. Everyone must feel loved. And what better way to show our love than to buy stuff?

Ugh. It just doesn't make me feel good.

Certainly don’t feel love about this setup.

So I ask myself :

If this holiday is about love - what does love feel like?

A few adjectives come up immediately - warm, comfortable, content, joyful, trusting, expansive, curious, kind…. So many descriptors, none of which have to do with receiving useless gifts. But it does bring me to another question.

What does it feel like to be loved by another, vs. being loved by yourself?

As wonderful as he is, do I need my husband to give me all these feelings? And for those of you without a someone to spend that day with, are you left to go without the feelings of love?

Let alone the chocolate, flowers and fancy dinners, do we need someone else to gift us the feeling of love?

Hellllllls to the No.

So what about this; Regardless of your marital status, what if you were to make a commitment to being your own valentine? This Valentine’s day, what extra loving things can you do for you? We all speak different love languages; take a beat to think about what really fills your cup and makes you feel loved. And then set out to provide these things for yourself. Making your favorite meal, having a bath with candles, giving yourself a massage or going for a professional massage, even buying yourself a bouquet of flowers and some chocolate if that’s your bag, baby.

Sure, you can gift yourself. It does feel good. But don’t stop there.

Take the time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself "I love you.” and “I'm here.” and “I support you." And mean it. You could even sit down with a candle and your essential oil diffuser or whatever helps you relax, and write a letter or a list, noting all the ways love is present in your life. 

Find true love this Valentine’s day. Stand in the mirror.

She’s right in front of you.

Carly BanksComment