Coach of the Month: me.
“Adopt a beginner’s mindset, always. And don’t forget how far you’ve come already. “
So this feels pretty cool. I’ve been chosen as Yogahealer’s Coach of the Month.
How things have changed from where I stood less than three years ago.
I worked in a totally different industry, which is a good thing because I sure as sh*t wasn’t in a position to help anyone.
I was depressed.
I was anxious.
I was angry.
I thought I knew what was going on. When I was younger I had a pattern of just changing up my circumstances when things felt hard. Moving provinces, escaping on a retreat or adventure, dumping my boyfriend. Imagine how depressing it was to discover,
WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED WITH KIDS THOSE THINGS AREN’T A THING.
No more escaping. I was forced to be where I was.
And so I shifted from changing up my environment to just being in my environment while constantly blaming my environment. My husband wasn’t fulfilling his responsibilities as a parent. My kids were a massive drain on my energy levels, and I was a prisoner in my own home because of them. I never had any time to myself. I yelled at my husband and I yelled at my kids and I cried to myself.
If he would just change. If they would just leave me alone…. things would be better.
I’ve been told I’m a natural leader. But what happens when the leader is out of balance? What happens when the leader has a negative perception of reality?
SHE HAS THE POWER TO TAKE DOWN THE WHOLE TEAM.
I was on the road to divorce, and headed to the Doctor for meds to support my incessant rage.
And then I had a conversation with a friend. And then my whole life took a turn.
My friend Grace had been on a journey into the world of Ayurveda. Previously a train-wreck just like me, Grace was now showing up for her life, taking control of her situation, and doing everything with this air of ease and love and calm that I just friggin NEEDED. Right then and there I dove in; didn’t even know what Ayurveda was. Just knew I wanted my expression to look like her expression. For my thoughts to sound like her thoughts.
In learning Ayurvedic traditions, I gained some incredibly simple habits that served to release the tension in my days. I slowly implemented new daily routines, and the changes I felt seemed subtle at first. A little better sleep. A little less brain fog.
And then all of a sudden it was 6 months later and I had lost 35 pounds of extra weight. I’d also lost the resentment toward my kids and spouse, as well as a lifetime of negative internal dialogue.
I’m not kidding. It was Just. Like. That.
The Habits themselves are incredibly supportive. I’ve had so many “aha” moments, where the pieces of my life just click together a little easier thanks to these habits. But none of these changes I’ve made could have been possible were it not for that first “aha”. That light bulb moment where I realized:
IT’S NOT THEM. IT’S ME.
A realization so frustrating yet so liberating. I am the leader in my family. My tone sets the tone of this household. I can save us.
Time to stop assuming I have the answers.
Time to stop making excuses for my lack of self care.
Time to put on my oxygen mask, so I may then support my family.
And so I did. And I am. I’ve come to realize that I, in fact, did NOT know what was going on. I was full of assumptions and expectations and miscommunications. I don’t want to make that mistake again. I don’t want to miss out on learning what best supports me and my tribe. I am forever a work in progress.
The Yoga Health Coach of the month is said to exemplify the wisdom we teach. She shows up for her life, in mental, physical, and emotional balance. She adopts a beginner’s mindset always, and understands that fear is often just a sign that she’s growing.
My expression looks like her expression. My thoughts sound like her thoughts. And now I get to pass this experience on to my tribe, and see them looking and thinking this way.
And I am SO F*CKING PROUD OF MYSELF.